The best sound in the world (6 mos)

Fun with water (bottle)

Part Deux: a poem

My eyes close to the sound of red in the rain

Mull, eyes dark: Stave the banished carcass full

The sun sparkles, and sprinkles not the rain

I see before me an incredible pull...

Mardi and Mike and Michael

Conversation with drugged me the day after my surgery:

Bf: It's Fat Tuesday today.

Me: No wonder I'm in an eating mood.

Conversation with bf while he is sleeping and snoring away:

Me: roll over

Bf: I'm not a dog.

Me: roll over

Bf: I just did (he totally didn't but thought maybe he could trick me?)

Me: snoring!!!

Bf: Where's my wallet?

Me: What?

Bf: I can't find my wallet (he says that one all the time)

Me: roll over

Bf: YOU ROLL OVER

Me: ROLL OVER

Bf: down there? (pointing to foot of bed)

Me: *snicker*

Me: *finally puts earplugs in*

(morning)

Bf: you know, you really shouldn't wear earplugs at night. what if an attacker comes to the door?

Hee hee an attacker. Ok totally not funny cuz I had Mike Myers doppelganger lurking around our house and windows the other day. Or is it Michael Myers? Cuz I mean the scary holding the knife one. Not the comedic big grin Wayne's World guy.

He can lurk outside of my door any day.

I have earplugs.

ok this is going to be totally gross

seriously. it is. i don't even know why i am blogging about this. but i guess it's because it is the thing most on my mind these days.

pooping

i've been doing a lot of it.

A LOT

ever since my surgery, i've had to go like 5 times a day. and these aren't easy poops either. they are omg help me my intestines are being ripped to shreds by barbed wire poops.

no fun

it happens before i have to go, and usually stops right after.

the main problem? i have literally had such paralyzing pain from things moving around, that i haven't been able to move. ok, well i probably CAN move, but it hurts so much, i don't want to move. better?

(what? you want truth here? sheesh. it's poop for gosh sakes)

anyways, it hurts so much that i am paralyzed (ha) to the point where i think i might crap my pants. like no joke crap my pants. like: maybe i'll relieve a little bit of pressure oh god oh no what is that warmth ok it's just some air phew!

i've had some prettttyyy close calls, folks. but i'm proud to say that i haven't had an accident yet.

problemo numero dos: i constantly feel like i have an outtie bumhole. i myself have never know these outties to exist, but my friend Ryan assures me that they do occur naturally in the wild.

I think it is kind of gross that he knows this, but who am i to judge? i'm blogging about poop.

i don't really HAVE an outtie down there, but it is SO uncomfortable to sit on anything, anywhere. i have to use a donut. you know, one of those blow up plastic things that pregnant, post-pregnant, or old people use? yeah. cuz they have hemorrhoids? yeah, that one.

well, i don't have hemorrhoids, but it sure as hell feels like it.

(again stretching the truth here cuz i don't know what hemorrhoids feel like, but i'm CERTAIN that this is what they would feel like. but worse)

no, i'm not being dramatic.

hemorrhoids.

so yeah - i get to wait TWO MONTHS to see how things heal and move around down there before we take a gander inside of my bladder, cuz i still have no idea when i need to pee.

the term is "urgency"

i don't have any urgency. i only have urgency to void my bladder (so technical!) when i see my abdomen pooched out.

party trick?

maybe not.

k i either lost my mind or am very tired.

thanks for reading about my poops.

Something to remember

Education ... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.

-G.M. Trevelyan

The sickbed isn't so sick anymore =]